Moments

I knew it would be very different from what I have felt before but I guess I was up for it. I locked the door from outside,stood there on the balcony holding my phone in some kind of weird pain that had crippled my mind from functioning. In life there comes certain moments where you don't get the liberty to think through what your heart wants to do but you just obey and I was no different. As the call was getting connected and it felt as if my heart was mimicking the tone. And then she spoke rather I let her speak. I remember the calls that had flooded in last few days but I didn't let myself see it. And as we spoke there was nothing but a silent grief of the inevitable. We both knew where this was heading even before the first word slipped out. I guess she knew it would be futile even trying, to stop me. But that didn't stop her,she reassured that we will have a tomorrow together. Neither her tears nor the hope that she tried pouring on could stopped me from plunging right through her. And I took by force what I had given her forever. Never had I known before that tears could actually burn you and I found it that night under the moon that had already veiled itself. We had shared quite a lot of silence together but that night it was different and we knew it well that its the beginning of new "silence". And we fared less well.

It was hard,it was heavy but then it was the right thing to do. It's in these moments you really know who you are,something you would have never known otherwise. But it hurts that you had to show it on the same thing that dared to open up the new world for you. As I tried to leave things behind, deep down it felt like calling it back again but I knew I shouldn't. And I found strength I never knew existed as I tried rebuilding my life.To my despair she didn't. I moved on rather pushed myself ahead leaving her to deal with demons I had set free.

I walked a considerable distance making sure that no trails were made that would lead her back to me, but she found me at every road posts. I didn't know what to do but I didn't want her to know that so I kept on moving away. And I didn't bother to look back not even for once. But I looked up every now then with a sigh "This can't be happening".

Days flew right in front of my misty eyes. Life wasnt smooth as I thought it would be when I took this path. It was like a train in the tunnel, it was moving but where! I credited karma for all that had happened but then why! I lived with that question trying to reach an alien shore. The drift was slow,it was gradual I could feel it and it was three years since that night which stripped bare the truth she finds difficulty in coping even now. I thought my wounds had healed but it didn't. It broke blood even at the delicate remembrance of the hell I unleashed.

Soon I wasn't the only man in her life. I became the man of her past and the present looked even brighter with lights flowing down from new horizons. I was happy that this could at least chain the demons she had trouble casting away. But it didn't. So I decided to talk through the whole situation,something which I should have done before letting loose this havoc on her and on me partly. It was open,intense and our hearts were finally at ease for sometime. Then she opened her heart for the first time since our destinies collided for the worse. The essence of truth is that the sooner you know better you will fare,if it lingers in finding you the result would be catastrophic. To my despair it didn't find me well rather I wasn't alive enough to let it sink in. All the strength I had conjured up seemed to be so small,too very little. 

Moments when time stood still and I felt the cords of memories that refused to let go loosening up. The dark clouds that had darkened my mind all these years were pouring down heavily. As I wiped my misty eyes I saw the day clearer than ever. And I was happy that I obeyed the gentle whisper than my heart.

As I look back at my broken road there is nothing but gratitude that fills my soul. And now I take new strides without slightest of regrets of the road what could have been. Although the doors I want to be opened still remain strongly bolted from inside I'm glad that I bolted the door strongly from outside that night.